How To Survive Family Gatherings Over the Holidays

Winter holidays can be a source of joy and connection—and, for many of us, also a time of heightened stress and relational conflict. In fact, nearly 9 in 10 people report concerns such as loneliness, financial strain, and anticipated family conflict during this time of year (APA, 2023).

Many of my clients, myself included, experience mixed feelings about the sheer number of social obligations and the tension that can arise within family interactions. And when we return to family homes, it’s incredibly common to slip back into old roles or patterns we thought we outgrew. Awareness is the first step toward meaningful change; simply recognizing how easy it is to fall into outdated dynamics gives us the power to make different choices.

Set the Intention To Do Things Differently

It can be grounding to enter the holiday season with a clear intention to care for yourself in new ways. If you’re visiting loved ones, take ownership of decisions around how long you stay, how often you take breaks, or how much alone time you build in. If you’re hosting, set expectations early about what will help you feel supported and balanced.

A key part of setting a different tone this year is choosing to protect your peace with boundaries. You don’t need to attend every event, answer every personal question, or participate in conversations that feel uncomfortable. Healthy boundaries might include:

• “Thanks, but I’d rather not discuss that today.” Or “I have another conversation for us”.

• Scheduling a shorter visit instead of an all-day stay.

• Stepping outside or into another room when you need a reset.

Boundaries are not selfish—they’re guidelines that help keep your emotional wellbeing intact. Setting them early and gently can shift the entire tone of your holiday experience.

The beautiful thing is that you get to curate a holiday that works for you—you are allowed to create experiences that serve your wellbeing, not just everyone else’s.

Make Regular Visits To Yourself

Check in with yourself throughout the holidays. Notice when your energy or mood shifts. Ask questions like:

• What just happened here?

• What might I be caring about? What may the other person be caring about?

• What action could move me closer to what’s important right now?

These self-check-ins can be quick—an internal pause, a moment alone in another room, a short walk outside—or something more intentional like journaling or using grounding tools. Regular visits to yourself help you identify what’s arising internally so you can respond, rather than react.

You might even write a few supportive reminders on a piece of paper and keep it in your pocket—something like: “Change the topic when Aunt ___ brings up that thing,” or “Start each day with five minutes of breath-work.” “Speak one of my needs today”. Small, intentional cues make new patterns easier to practice.

Keep a Team Approach

If you’re attending gatherings with a partner, it’s incredibly helpful to get ahead of holiday dynamics. Let them know what to expect in your family environment, and share what’s important to each of you in how you’d like to move through social situations together.

You may each have different comfort levels with conversations, crowds, or family traditions. Talking through what makes the holidays enjoyable for each of you can prevent misunderstandings once you’re in the thick of it.

Consider developing a subtle cue that signals when it’s time to leave or take a break. Doing quick check-ins—like asking each other for a 1–10 rating of how you’re coping—can help you adjust and support one another in real time.

A Final Thought

If the holidays were difficult this year, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist about what came up and what patterns you’d like to approach differently next time. Therapy can offer space to sort through family dynamics, strengthen your boundaries, and build strategies that support a calmer, more grounded experience next time. If you are ready to shift how you show up with family and make next year a little more manageable, I’d be delighted to support you. I offer both individual and couples therapy sessions in Canmore and have created more opportunities for appointments in 2026 - check out my availability here.